We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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