I want to have your abortion
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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