I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
