She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
