I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
