her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
