As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
