just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Sext me about skeletons
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
