I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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