break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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