I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
