Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
