Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
