God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
