you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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