dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I cockslap morals
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
