I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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