3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
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