I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Welp...herpes.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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