i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
