It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
