You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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