Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
