If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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