Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
