Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
