This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
