I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
