If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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