Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
