Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Holy shit dude........stairs
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