Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
