And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
love makes seman taste better
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I want to fling myself into the sun
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
