thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
