just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
