What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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