you have to choose: penises or morals?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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