Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
