you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
being pregnant is like rehab
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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