You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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