my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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