Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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