I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
