Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
