I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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