he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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