Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
