i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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