you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
