69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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