I can text with my tongue
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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